Perfection

If anyone really knows me, they know that I struggle with a lot of issues.. Why?? Because I want everything to be perfect. I want everyone to be happy all the time, I want sorrow to vanish, and smiling faces where their are frowns. I want the best for everyone all the time and when it doesn't happen, I crash. I crash right to the floor. I am what they call "over-emotional" , but I like to say that I feel things deeper than other people. If you are hurting I can feel that and it bothers me because I don't want to feel it or it did bother me. I have come to a point and time in my life where I feel it is time to step into my divine appointing. But I digress..

In my marriage, one of the things that I have struggle with is this need for everything to be "perfect". When my husband is not to pleased with me, I take it as if it's death. I know that is a strong use of that word, but I don't know how else to describe it. I don't want my husband displeased at anything I do. I want him to look at me and see the woman of Proverbs. God gave a wonderful description of what a woman should be.. Here read below:

10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.


Who doesn't want to be this woman?? I mean she has got it going on.. Vs. 28 Her children get up and call her blessed; so her husband does too, and he praises her. WOW.. I want that I really do. My problem is .. I am HUMAN!! I am a sinner saved by grace. I am far from perfect! But my motives are pure and honest. So I struggle because I don't feel as if I ever measure up to the bar. But what I have discovered is that it's okay for me not to be "perfect", my love for my husband is perfect and that is enough. Of course, I am not going to stop striving to better myself. I think that is a life long job and deserves my attention. My family deserves for me to be ever striving to become better.


So you may say.. that is all good but what do you do now when you husband is displeased. Well first, I don't beat myself up with my bad choices or mistakes. What I do is to ask myself why did I do what I did? Then I ask the question, How could I have done things differently? Then I pose the question, what will be your plan of action next time this situation comes up. I like to write it down to hold myself accountable and to put it all into perspective, it works for me.